


Survivor

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Dean Winchester, F/M, Mutilation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 11:15:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16831531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: Sequel to White Rabbit and takes place immediately afterward. You’ve avoided the Winchesters in order to avoid your toxic ex, and the King of Hell, Crowley, but you’ve come back to help out after Dean has become a Knight of Hell.~~~~~“Oh, you are gonna regret participating in this, y/n.” He looked up, his eyes black. “I’m gonna get out of this and when I do… oh, I’m gonna kill Sam, but you? I’m gonna have some fun with you, first.” You swallowed and started to walk away, not wanting to hear your mentor talking like that. “You’re gonna scream, just like the night I saved you from that demon wearing your husband. You know, I shoulda left you behind, but you were so pathetic that night. Covered in blood, clothes torn to shreds, begging to be taught how to hunt. Never really stopped being pathetic, did you? I mean, I taught you how to hunt, taught you how to keep yourself safe and you still ended up in bed with a demon. Not just any demon, though, you got in with Crowley.”





	Survivor

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [White Rabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6045987) by [CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil). 



**Story Warnings** : **Noncon!,** noncon fingering,noncon oral (fem rec), noncon unprotected sex, mutilation, angst **18+** **HERE BE SEX, DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!**

* * *

Dean looked up as you walked into the dungeon in the file room. “Where’s Sam? I was hopin’ to see tears this time.”

“He’s taking a nap. Dealing with you is physically and emotionally exhausting.” You walked forward, cautiously, and jabbed the needle into his arm. He glared at you for a moment before he began to grunt in pain, demonic growling under Dean’s voice. Sam had warned you that would happen before he handed the syringe off to you, so you just stepped away and started for the door. You were almost out of the room when his grunting became a dark chuckle. You stopped in the doorway, turning back to look at him.

“Oh, you are gonna _regret_ participating in this, y/n.” He looked up, his eyes black. “I’m gonna get out of this and when I do… oh, I’m gonna kill Sam, but _you_? I’m gonna have some _fun_ with you, first.” You swallowed and started to walk away, not wanting to hear your mentor talking like that. “You’re gonna scream, just like the night I saved you from that demon wearing your husband. You know, I shoulda left you behind, but you were so _pathetic_ that night. Covered in blood, clothes torn to shreds, _begging_ to be taught how to hunt. Never really _stopped_ being pathetic, did you? I mean, I taught you how to hunt, taught you how to keep yourself safe and you still ended up in bed with a demon. Not just _any_ demon, though, you got in with Crowley.”

You turned and glared at him. “He raped me.”

“Oh, the first time, no doubt, but remember, you liked it. He gave me a complete breakdown of your ‘relationship’. Started New Year’s morning, right here in this room.” He looked around and chuckled. “And ended just like it started, on a rented bed, with him forcing you. He was hopped up on blood and weepy when he gave it to you that last time, right? No wonder you broke it off with him.”

“You’re the one who _told_ me to break it off with him. Said I had to get out of that toxic relationship. Said I didn’t deserve-”

“If you had to be told that was a toxic relationship, then you’re more pathetic than I thought you were.”

“I thought that-”

“You liked it!” He repeated and barked out a laugh. “Oh, and if you liked him, you’re gonna love me.”

“I would rather die than be forced to-”

“Oh, you’ll die after. Promise you that.” You shook your head and walked out. You couldn’t listen to that, anymore.

You looked in on Sam’s sleeping form. He’d been out for an hour and he’d set his alarm for another half an hour. You made your way to the kitchen. It was time for a beer. You shut the fridge and twisted the top off. As you took a drink from the dark glass bottle, you contemplated leaving. After Sam woke up, of course. Cas was on the way, so he didn’t really need you and you definitely didn’t want to deal with the words coming out of Dean’s mouth, anymore. You didn’t need reminding of your patheticness. You didn’t need reminding of your stupidity and your 'relationship’ with Crowley.

You were pulled from your thoughts when the kitchen door closed behind you. You turned, expecting to see Sam, but Dean looked across the short distance in the kitchen, rubbing his wrists. Your breath caught in your throat as he smirked and stepped forward. “Told ya I’d get out.” You stepped sideways, trying to put more distance between you. “You gonna scream? Bring Sammy in here to save you, so I can kill him first?” You maneuvered around the metal island counter and ran for the door. Dean grabbed you and a shriek escaped your throat, but was smothered by his hand over your mouth. You groaned as he pulled you tight against his body and slammed you face-first into the tile wall next to the door. He leaned his face down next to your ear. “Oh, I can’t wait. I am gonna love this. Crowley told me exactly what gets your motor revving. I know how much you like being bit, how you enjoy being man-handled. Nothing gets you wet like a bit of fear and a great big cock.”

You struggled against him, pushing back and trying to get out of the 'rock and a hard place’ situation you were in. Unfortunately, as you struggled, it got more difficult to tell the difference between the rock and the hard place. “Fuck yeah! Keep resisting. It’ll make it all the better at the end.” He grunted into your ear as he grabbed your t-shirt and ripped it off of you, easily. “I’m gonna do all the things Sammy wanted to do. You know he wanted you from the minute we pulled you out of your shitty little apartment? That first night in the motel on the way back here, he took that extra long shower?” He dropped his hands from your mouth and pulled you back from the wall enough to pop the button on your jeans and rip them and your panties down your legs. He was back against you and pushing you into the wall again in a split second, his demonic speed overwhelming you.

“He spent half that time with a nice guilty wank and the rest… well, feeling guilty about being attracted to a woman who just got tortured by a demon wearing her dead husband’s face. Oh, yeah, Sammy spent so many nights feeling bad about cumming all over himself, your name on his lips, dreamin’ of what you taste like… how you feel.” He rubbed his erection insistently against your back as he brought one of his hands between your legs to cup your unclothed sex and the other to pinch your left nipple through your bra. “He flipped out when he figured out you’d been with Crowley, the short little salesman. You know, I never really understood what you saw in him. Now, what _they_ saw in _you_ …” He grabbed your breast and rolled it in his palm. “Now, I don’t normally go for this whole rape thing. It’s a fave of Crowley’s, but I don’t generally need to force a woman to play with me. But I think…” He slipped his middle finger along your lips, barely dipping the tip in to tease your entrance. Your body tensed and you closed your eyes as he rubbed his stubble against your cheek. “Just based on how much Sammy wanted you, and Crowley tellin’ me I couldn’t have you… Oh, I think that’s more than enough reason to violate you. No one tells me what I can do, anymore. I do what I want.”

“Dean.” You whined, pathetically, before you could stop yourself. You closed your mouth and bit harshly into the inside of your lip to stop yourself from begging.

“Oh, you don’t wanna beg? You begged the demon who killed your husband. You begged Crowley. You ain’t gonna beg me?”

“It didn’t work on them. Won’t work on you.” You opened your eyes as he flipped you around and looked down into your face. His eyes were his vibrant green and he almost looked like himself as he softened his features and ran his fingers down your face. “You do what you want, Dean. No one can stop you.”

“Do you really _want_ me to stop? Come on. I gotta be more of a scary wet dream than Crowley.” He dropped to his knees, hooked your legs over his shoulders and stood. You grasped wildly at the molding and the top of the door frame, trying to keep yourself from falling forward, but Dean pushed you back against the wall, his left hand pressing into your lower abdomen as he dived, tongue first, into your folds. His teeth scraped along your outer lips and his tongue made loud slurping sounds against you. Your head jerked backward and hit the wall, the pain not clearing your mind anywhere near as much as you wanted it to. Your fingertips dug into the molding as he adjusted his head so that he was nibbling relentlessly on your clit. When he dropped you to your feet, you were a bit disgusted to see the stubble on his chin covered in your juices. This was happening again. How could you possibly get off on this every time it happened to you? He wiped his hand across his mouth and wrapped his hand around his dick, which you hadn’t even noticed him release from his jeans, and used it to lube himself up. “You ready for this, sweetheart?” He pumped his hand up and down his length, looking proud of his cock.

Your first thought was _Crowley’s bigger_ and you were certain you hadn’t said it out loud, but you must’ve because Dean grabbed you by your hair and pulled you to the little wooden table and tossed you on top of it. “Should’ve gone in dry. Then you’d see that size doesn’t matter that much. Bitch.” He pulled your ass to the edge of the table, lined himself up and slammed forward, burying himself to the hilt. Crowley might be bigger but Dean was still huge and it hurt, but not in an entirely bad way. He grabbed your hips and started an unforgiving, hard pace. You grabbed the edges of the table in an attempt to control something but there was nothing here in your control. “Holy shit, man! No wonder Crowley got all obsessive and weird about you. Your pussy muscles are strong as fuck. Your tits are beautiful. Fuck! Oh, man, why didn’t I try you on before?” Your head flopped back onto the table, but that pain didn’t detract from his cockhead ramming your cervix. His fingers were digging into your hips and it felt good. You could almost forget that you were probably gonna die after this amazing fucking.

“You know, I think it’s kinda adorable how much you like being forced.”

“I don’t-” You tried to argue, but he slammed his hips forward extra hard and you squealed.

“Some women just like bein’ dominated, y/n, and with how weak your husband was, no wonder you cream for any alpha male who pulls your hair and shoves himself into your pretty little pussy.” You wished he would just shut up. You didn’t need him psychoanalyzing you while he raped you. “You know, Sammy’s pretty aggressive in bed. You guys would’ve been good together. Too bad.” He snapped his hips back and forth several times and you stopped holding back the moans as his right hand slid up your body to roughly grasp your breast, his fingertips digging in there, instead. “Oh, you moan like a whore. You-” He grunted. “Oh, I might let you live, be my little cumslut slave. You like that idea?”

“No.” You moaned.

“Aw, who the fuck cares what you want?”

The blaring tone of Sam’s cell phone alarm made its way down the hall and Dean chuckled. “Guess nap time’s over, so our playtime’s gotta end.” He sped up, his fingers digging into you harder as he came with a demonic grunt. He stepped back and gave a satisfied sigh as he tucked himself back into his jeans. “Wish I had my phone; I’d take a picture. You look so perfect with my cum drippin’ out of you.” He shrugged and turned, heading for a tool drawer. He found a hammer and held it menacingly. “Now, I can’t risk you helping Sam. You understand. So, a little insurance.” He shoved his forearm into your mouth to muffle your screams as he brought the hammer down onto the top of your foot. The pain was intense, flowing up your right leg like fire.

He laughed as he stepped away from you, lying mostly naked on the table, trying to simultaneously coddle and not touch your broken foot. As soon as you knew he was on the other side of the bunker, you hopped down from the table, fighting through the pain as you rushed for your old room. You dressed quickly and hid until the lock-down 'red light special’ ended, then you ran. Well, you hobbled.

You were in the hospital under an assumed name (Janet Smith) when Sam started calling. “Where’d you go?” “What happened? Dean won’t talk about it and Cas says it’s not his to tell. What did Dean do to you?” “Y/n, call me. Dean swears he didn’t kill you, but you aren’t answering and I’m worried. Please. Proof of life. That’s all I want.”

You ignored his pleas. You were happy that Dean was cured, but you were done suffering the consequences of the Winchesters’ fucked-up lives.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jody walked into the room, you smiled. You hadn’t seen her since you’d been avoiding Sam and Dean, but Asa had talked about her so you knew she’d show to the wake, and you’d called her a few times for drunken girl talk. When Sam followed her into the room, your smile faltered. You immediately set your beer down and stood, pulling your coat off of the back of your seat and slipping your arms into the sleeves as you headed for the side door, your slight limp giving a uniqueness to the cadence of your boots on the wood floor.

“You ain’t just gonna dip out without even sayin’ 'Hi’, now, are you, girlie?” Jody’s voice stopped you in your tracks.

You sighed and turned around, your shoulders dropping as you tried to walk as normally as you could to go hug the Sheriff. You didn’t look at Sam. “Jody. How you holdin’ up?”

“I’ll be all right. You?”

“I’ll have to start shoveling the shit I get myself into without the help of Asa’s spade, but hey… I’ll be okay. Always am.”

“You’re still hunting? We haven’t heard-” Sam started.

“Yeah, well, you and Dean got the Midwest and Northern states covered with a lot of these bozos, so I mostly stay South.” You interrupted.

“And she’s been tellin’ everybody her name is Angela Moran.” Jody patted your shoulder and took a drink of her beer as she stepped away. Jody had been pushing you to make up with the boys for months. She didn’t know what happened, but she knew that the three of you could get past it.

“ _You’re_ Angela Moran? You took out that vamp nest in Gainesville?”

You looked around and put your hands in the pockets of your coat. “It was just a couple college students who got turned by their Euro History professor. Thought he was Dracula.”

“And those wolves in Macon?”

“There were only 6 of them.”

“Wow, you have turned into a complete bad-ass since you started avoiding me and Dean.”

“Sam, I’m sorry, I-”

“You even got a bad-ass limp. You get that on a hunt?”

You swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. Demon broke about half the bones in my foot. Most days, it’s fine, but sometimes…”

He sighed, loudly. “Look, I don’t think it’d bug me so bad if I knew what… what the _demon_ did to y/n the night he got loose in the Bunker.” Sam coded his words as he noticed several people listening in.

“You don’t wanna know, Sam.”

“Yeah, I do. Not knowing is driving me nuts.”

You looked around the room at the other hunters trying to pretend like they weren’t listening in on your conversation. You stepped out of the room and into the hallway. Sam followed. You swallowed and looked up into his hazel eyes. “He raped her. The demon didn’t like that y/n participated in the cleansing ritual, didn’t like that Crowley didn’t want to share her. Wanted to take something that _you_ wanted, so he forced her, then he took a hammer to her foot so she couldn’t help you while he was trying to kill you. Which hadn’t even crossed her mind. Her only thought was the selfish thought of self-preservation, so as soon as the lock-down came off, she fled… fast as she could on her broken foot.”

Sam looked distraught at the idea. “I’m so… no wonder you’ve been avoiding-”

“No. Don’t.” You shook your head. “I’ve been avoiding you because my life is _mine_ when I’m on my own. Instead of getting caught up in the hurricane of Winchester crazy, I can focus. I haven’t had a run-in with a demon in years. Not since… it’s just better for me and my bum foot to be alone.”

“Maybe Cas could heal-”

“I don’t need your charity. Besides, it’s a good reminder to keep my distance.” You started to move toward the front door.

“Y/n. Don’t leave. I… let me…”

“Sam.” You turned and shook your head. “Call me, if you need me. Number’s still the same, but… I’ll answer next time.” You nodded at him, then headed out. You sighed when you got to your truck and saw Dean leaning against the tailgate, looking down at his boots.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you shot me.” He said, gesturing at your 9 mil on your thigh holster.

“You don’t deserve that.” You responded, trying hard to hold back your limp as you opened your driver’s door and grabbed your purse.

You were pulling a pill bottle out when he slid down the side of the truck. “I know some people who’d disagree.” He said, quietly.

“They weren’t there.”

“I was there. I disagree. Y/n, what I did to you, what I did to your foot-”

“It wasn’t you.” You pulled the top off of your prescription bottle and put one in your mouth.

“That’s a lie. It was me. Everything I did when I was a demon, it was me. Not something riding around in my skin, _me_.” He was keeping his distance, standing halfway down the bed of the truck.

“Doesn’t matter, Dean. You were a demon. Demons don’t know love or guilt or any useful emotion. They know power, manipulation, pleasure and pain. That’s about it. You can’t be held accountable-”

“Don’t do that.” He shook his head. “Don’t try to make this okay. If it was okay, you wouldn’t have been hiding for the last two years.”

You opened your mouth to debate whether you were hiding, but you just took a drink out of a bottle of water in your center console and swallowed the pill. “I’ve been _avoiding_ you-” Because that was the preferred verbiage for you to use. “-because things got really fuckin’ complicated. I… Between Crowley and you and my foot and Sam and… what you said when you were-”

“I’m sorry. I was-”

“No, you don’t get it. You were right!” You shook your head and looked up at the stars, hoping to somehow gain some wisdom from them. “I have spent my whole life having to be the strong one. Jeremy was weak and I knew that when I married him and I thought I was okay with it because I’d been so strong for so long, but he was weak and he folded so easily. I was attracted to Crowley because I knew that he could make me do things I didn’t want to do and that got me… hot. And then you came in and did the same thing and someone who I-I once saw as a mentor, as a big brother, suddenly I’m having scary wet dreams about.”

You cleared your throat and sighed, looking over at him as you leaned against the side of your truck. “I knew that you guys were still gonna be messing around with Crowley. He’s a dick, but he’s an asset, so I knew he’d be around. I couldn’t deal with that. I couldn’t deal with wanting to… with how I was suddenly feeling about you. I couldn’t deal with Sam’s… whatever. So… I left, went to go be strong, by myself… away from all the strong men who might make me want to… be dominated.”

“Wait. I… I raped you and you’ve been…” Dean chuckled. “Wow. You’re just as fucked up as the rest of us.”

You laughed. “Yeah. That’s right. That’s me. Fucked up.”

Dean slid down the truck and pulled the pill bottle out of your hand. “You gotta let us get Cas to heal your foot. I feel terrible about- Seriously? Oxy? That shit’s addictive.”

“No, shit, Winchester. They don’t call it 'Hillbilly Heroin’ for nothing.” You pulled the bottle back and tossed it into the cab. “I only take it on the bad days and only as much as needed.”

“Let me call Cas. Please.” Dean pleaded, quietly. He reached his hand out toward you, but stopped himself.

“I’m fine, Dean, but look at you. Can’t be around me. All that guilt.” You smiled tightly at him. “Definitely not the same guy who broke my foot.”

Dean looked down and you could see the war behind his face. “Y/n, it’s not like I… Look, it’d be kinda messed up, you know? After what I did to you, for me to… touch you, at all, uninvited would be kinda-”

You shook your head, snickering as you moved to climb into your truck. “Took that Mark off of you and turned you into a kitten, huh? A guilt-ridden, scared little kitten.”

“Look, you should stay. With Sam. You should talk to him.” Dean didn’t dispute your analysis.

“I’ve already talked to him. He might look at you weird for the next few weeks but it can’t be as bad as what he was imagining the demon did to me.” Dean’s right hand grabbed onto your wrist and pulled you out of the truck. His left hand pushed you gently against the side of your truck.

“What _I_ did.” He urged. “What I _loved_ doing.” His hand slid from its station on your collarbone to rest between your cleavage. “I’d hoped that part of me died with the Mark.”

“I can relate.” You whispered, trying to control your suddenly skyrocketing heart rate. “Thought leaving, being away from you, being by myself… deprive myself.”

“Don’t…” He swallowed and it was almost audible. “Y/n. God, you don’t even know how badly I wanna bend you over your tailgate and make you scream.”

“Do it.” You whispered, pushing your chest out.

“Wow. That’s fuckin’ great.” Sam was suddenly standing right behind Dean and you never saw him walk up. “First, Crowley forces himself on you and you start dating him. Then, Dean forces himself on you, _mutilates_ your foot and you proposition him in the parking lot of a wake?!”

Dean almost jumped back away from you, looking down guiltily. “Sam.”

“No, I get it now. She never gave me the time of day because I didn’t rape her!”

“Sam, don’t-” Dean started, but you stepped away from your truck toward the taller Winchester.

“See? _This_ is why I left! You think I don’t already feel like a freak, Sam? Like I’m not aware I’m a terrible person for enjoying being controlled and hurt and _used_? You standing there talking shit because I didn’t fuck you, wasn’t hurt by you, like I owe you something? That’s why I left. I don’t owe anyone anything! Just me. I just owe me. I owe myself space. I owe myself time and if I feel like I need it after a stressful day and a friend’s funeral, I owe myself a one night stand!” You took a shaky breath and shook your head. You stepped back to the cab of your truck and climbed in. “And I didn’t give you the time of day, Sam, because you didn’t try to get my time until I was on my way out the door. Not my fault, asshole.”

Both brothers called your name as you pulled your driver’s side door closed and sped out of the gravel driveway. As you watched them arguing in the rear view, you promised yourself… 'No more Winchesters. No more weakness.“ You owed it to yourself.


End file.
